All I Want
by Kendal-Rose
Summary: Grace is diagnosed with Leukaemia, how will Connie cope? And who will be there with them when it all gets too much.
1. Chapter 1

He placed the palm of his hand flat against the glass door. He dipped his head slightly and watched as she leaned forward, the fingertips of her right hand brushing the dark hair back from her daughters pale face. The sadness that surrounded her caused him to inhale, his heart aching for what lay ahead for the beautiful surgeon and her little daughter. He pushed open the door and stepped inside, watching her closely as she looked up.

The tears pricked at her eyes as she saw him, she inhaled deeply and shook her head,

"Hey," he whispered, by her side in a second, watching her as she gently took her hand away from her daughter and stood up,

"Michael Spence… what are you doing here?" She whispered as he took her arm and pulled her into his chest. He felt warm and comforting as she rested her head into his neck, one arm around her waist, his other hand at the back of her head. Her hands lay gently on his chest, her breathing fast and erratic.

"It's okay to cry," he told her softly, a kindness exuding from him, that surprised them both, "I won't judge you if you cry,"

That was all the persuasion she needed and she allowed the tears to fall down her cheeks. Hot, wet tears pressed against his chest, soaking through his shirt, his clever hands held her too him as she cried. He rested his cheek against her forehead, closing his eyes and letting her fall apart in his arms, "I've got you," he whispered quietly, "You don't have to be so brave,"

He gently manoeuvred her so he sat onto the large chair, her body curled up against him, her head tucked neatly in between his head and shoulder. He rocked her gently, watching how her breathing slowed as she finally gave into the overwhelming tiredness she had been feeling over the past week.

Zoe opened the door slowly and smiled into the darkness, "You finally got her to get some sleep?" She spoke so quietly, her eyes falling upon Connie's tired form,

"My next aim is to get her to eat something when she wakes up," Michael told Zoe quietly, "How has she been?"

"She hasn't left Grace's side," she admitted, "She hasn't opened up to any of us… I don't think she's slept for days,"

He closed his eyes momentarily, "I've got her," he told Zoe, "Don't worry… I'll look after her."

Zoe nodded, "I can see that… Sam's here… with his new fiancé… he doesn't know how to handle her,"

Michael smiled, "He never did."


	2. Chapter 2

"Grace Beauchamp, 8 years old… mother is Connie Beauchamp, former Cardio-thoracic goddess up on Darwin ward… now Clinical Lead in A and E. Connie spotted unexplained bruises down her daughter's spine six weeks ago, and thought she looked a bit pale… Grace complained of shortness of breath at school and unexplained right shoulder pain. Blood tests and bone marrow tests confirm Acute myelogenous leukaemia… also known as AML… we need to start chemotherapy, but at the moment she's too unwell… The shoulder had a fracture just above a tumour, we've plated that and movement can start at two weeks post op…"

Michael listened carefully in ward round. Connie had been declined the chance to go, and found herself allowing Michael to attend on her behalf. He raised an eyebrow as the ward round continued, "So what's the plan?" He asked sternly, his eyes on the Consultant who stood before him, "We can't just tell Connie we're sitting and waiting… I hope you have a plan…"

"We can do nothing but sit and wait… once her bloods show sign of improvement; we'll consider chemo Mr. Spence."

Michael nodded, shaking his head, before excusing himself from the busy room. "Well that was a waste of time," he uttered to himself, leaning back against the wall and running his fingers through his hair. He stopped outside Grace's room and watched Connie as she tended to her daughter. She looked so far removed from the bolshie, confident clinical lead he remembered so vividly.

"How is she?" He asked quietly, placing his hand on her shoulder blade, wondering when it was she became quite so slim,

She looked over her shoulder and shrugged, "Fallen back to sleep," she whispered, looking up at him, "How was ward round?"

He shrugged, "Didn't find out anything we don't already know, sorry,"

She looked back down at her daughter, "I feel so useless Michael… sitting, waiting and wishing… that's never been natural to me,"

"I know," he nodded, his dark eyes searching hers, "But you're far from it… she's glad you're here."

"I'm sick of these four walls," she uttered,

"Sam's here now… will you come and take a walk with me? We can grab a coffee… you don't even have to talk to me, but I think you could do with some fresh air,"

She took the cup of coffee from him gratefully, the strong smell of the coffee beans making her feel slightly more like herself. He wrapped his scarf around her neck, before walking close to her as they left the hospital,

"Where are you going?" Sam asked, an unreadable expression on his face, "Are you leaving her on her own?"

She shook her head, "I saw your car drive in… sit with her for a while, I need to take a walk,"

Sam nodded, "You two are spending a lot of time together," he commented. His voice was laced with jealously, and something Michael couldn't quite figure out,

"Call me if you need me," she found herself replying, unable to muster the energy to react to his words.


	3. Chapter 3

Michael took her free hand and held it in his tightly, walking beside her as they drunk their coffee in silence. She squeezed his hand softly, leaning against his arm gently as she rested her chin momentarily on his shoulder. At that very moment she felt so unlike herself and so glad for his company she could have cried all over again.

"Why are you here Michael?" She asked as they sat down onto the cold bench, the cold seeping up inside her coat. She leaned into his chest, glad as he put his left arm around her, his hand squeezing her shoulder firmly,

"Because I can't let you go through this alone…" He replied honestly, "Because I know however strong you are, and however much you are helping your daughter fight this… that you need someone to watch over you, and make sure you're sleeping and eating too…"

She could feel the breath from his lips against her forehead, his heart beat providing her with the comfort that she so desperately needed. She inhaled against the tightness that pressed against her chest, "I feel so unlike myself I don't know what to do," she admitted, "I feel at such a loss… I don't know how to help her… I can't fix this." She shook her head, "All those years at medical school and I can't even fix my own daughter,"

He pressed his lips gently against her temple, "No…you can't fix this," he admitted, "I wish you could. You can't fix this… but you can be there for her, you can hold her hand, you can tell her to be strong and fight. If she is half as strong as you are, she'll be okay,"

"I just feel so sad," she admitted, "And so angry… she's only eight Michael… she should be running around at school…. Not laid in that bed like that,"

"I know," he replied, his voice deep and dark and quiet, "I know… and I'm sorry… I'm so sorry this is happening to Grace, and to you…"

She looked up at him and ran the fingers of her left hand across his forehead and down, across his cheek, "Thank you," she told him gently, "For…"

Her words never got to materialise as Sam came jogging out of the front of the hospital, "She's awake Connie, she's asking for you… she won't talk to me… she wants you."

"Go," Michael smiled, releasing her from his hold and watching how Connie nodded at Sam slowly. She stood up, brushing down her trousers and reaching to remove the scarf,

"Keep it for now," he smiled kindly,

She winked at him, a small smile on her face, "Will you…"

He nodded, standing up moments after she did, resting his hand momentarily on her neck, his thumb brushing her jaw line, "I'll come and see you both after my shift."


	4. Chapter 4

**This part is for all the lovely people who read / reply / follow this story. I love reading all your comments **** Please let me know any feedback you have. Hope you're all enjoying the sunny weather! Love Kendal.**

She closed her eyes, pressing her back against the cold wall, before exhaling forcefully and pushing the doors to Grace's room open with two hands, "Mummy," Grace uttered, watching as Connie jogged over to her and pulled her into her arms.

"You're squashing me," Grace smiled wriggling against her beloved mother's hold, as Connie held her tightly, pressing kisses against her hair.

"How are you feeling baby?" Connie asked gently, lying on her side behind her daughter, her arms resting gently across her stomach. Grace shuffled back against her, holding her mum's hand in her own, "Tired," she admitted, "But I'm happy to see you, I feel like I haven't seen you in ages,"

"Go to sleep then Gracie," she whispered, unaware of Sam and his fiancé stood quietly in the doorway,

"Will you stay with me?" Grace asked, her dark eyes closing and opening as she tried to fight of the sleep that was trying to consume her, "I've missed you,"

Connie struggled to hold back the tears that stung so sharply against her eyes again, "Of course I will sweetheart."

She opened her eyes as she felt fingertips running through her somewhat unruly hair, a soft thumb running across her forehead. His dark eyes met hers and she smiled, "I thought you'd forgotten us," she told him quietly, watching as Grace too opened her eyes, "Michael," she smiled, sitting up and throwing her arms around him.

He hugged her gently, "Hi little Beauchamp, I hear you've been worrying your mother,"

"Watch that sling Grace," Connie uttered, reaching forwards and adjusting it gently,

"Why do I need a sling?" Grace asked, rolling her eyes and looking so much like her mother that Michael couldn't help but laugh,

"What's so funny?" Grace asked, a smile on her face,

"You look just like your mother when you do that," Michael smiled, "And you need the sling until the physio comes and helps you to move your arm,"

"Why? What's wrong with it?" She asked, her young face so filled with innocence,

"Remember you said it hurt?" Connie asked, watching as Grace nodded, "There was a tumour which caused the bone to crack,"

"Oh," Grace replied quietly,

"But… it's all fixed now," Connie smiled as Grace looked between her mother and Michael,

"And me? Am I all fixed now?"

"Not quite darling," Connie uttered, "Not quite."

She leaned back against the chair as her daughter slept peacefully. A text on her phone came to her attention and she ran her fingers across screen, "Con I'll be in to see the two of you before my shift tomorrow morning. Call me if you need me sooner. Sleep tight. Michael x" She wouldn't have admitted it to anyone, but she read that message more times than she could count. The kindness of his words made her feel something she hadn't felt in a long time.

"I will never be able to thank you enough for everything you've done for me and Grace. Sleep well; we look forward to seeing you tomorrow."

Connie wasn't quite sure how much her daughter understood about her diagnosis and what was to come. She did know however, that the insertion of a needle into her hip wasn't high on her agenda at nine thirty in the morning.

Michael sat closely to Connie as he entered Grace's room after a night shift, "They have to stick another needle in my hip Michael,"

Connie ran her hand across Grace's head gently, "You were brave last week sweetheart, it will be exactly the same,"

Michael nodded, "You're just like your mum, brave and beautiful," he smiled, watching how Connie looked up at him, a small smile on her face.

She leaned forwards and stroked her daughters hair as Grace pressed her head into her chest to avoid seeing the large needle that was about to be pushed into her hip. "Remember, count to twenty with your eyes closed… I've got you," Connie whispered as she nodded at the Paediatric Registrar, who began the bone marrow aspiration,

"Mum," Grace whimpered, keeping as still as she could manage,

"All done baby," Connie told her, stroking her hair back from her head, "I just want to go home," Grace uttered quietly,

"I know," Connie nodded, "But we can't… not yet anyway. I need you to know… if I could take you home I would, but it's not the best place for you at the moment."

Grace nodded, glassy tears running down her cheeks,

"Hey," Connie smiled, "Brave girl remember, you can do this I promise."

She was wholly grateful as Michael took her hand in his, his thumb running slowly backwards and forwards across her index finger,

"You should go home," she spoke quietly, "You've just finished a long shift,"

"Do you want me to go?" He offered, his eyes falling to their hands that lay on his lap,

She inhaled and shook her head, "Of course I don't," she uttered, "I just…"

He winked at her, "Don't worry about me,"


	5. Chapter 5

**This is for you lovely people that still read this. I hope you've all had a lovely weekend and weren't stuck working like I was! Love Kendal x**

Michael entered his office to see Connie fast asleep on his couch. Her cheeks were stained with tears, her make up tracking slightly down her otherwise perfect face. He could even see the sadness in her face as she slept and he felt something he couldn't quite remember feeling before as he watched her. He sat into his chair and set to completing the piles of paperwork he'd neglected since Grace had become unwell. He wasn't sure what it was about the sleeping Consultant or her unwell daughter, but he wanted to stop any more harm coming to either of them.

Once he had completed as much paperwork as he could stomach, he stood up, making his way over to his sofa and crouching down beside her, ignoring the way his knees ached. He looked at her for a moment and couldn't help but appreciate how beautiful she was. He placed his hand on her face, his thumb brushing her skin. He smiled as she stirred, her eyes flicking open, "Hi," she uttered, returning his smile, "What time is it?"

"Seven," he informed her as she stifled a yawn, "Now the way I see it we have two options… stay here and sleep, or now Sam's here, will you let me take you home for the night? You must need a change of clothes, and your own bed,"

She sighed, moving her legs off the couch and sitting herself up. "I can't remember the last time I went home," she admitted, "Will you wait for me while I tell Grace where I'm going?"

He wanted to tell her he'd wait for her for as long as she needed him too. Instead he nodded, "Of course,"

"How did she take it?" Michael asked as she slipped quietly into his car,

She shrugged, "She's too tired to say anything really… Sam is with her… I just know she wants to come home too,"

"And she will… soon."

He guided her inside, watching as she struggled to keep her eyes open, "Sorry," she admitted, "I don't think I've ever felt this tired in my life."

He took her hand, and led her upstairs, watching as she pushed open her bedroom door and sat down onto her bed, pulling him down beside her. She turned to him and pushed her hair behind her ear before letting her dark eyes meet his. "One day soon… when things are better… and I feel less sad… I want to fall into bed with you." She ran her fingers of her free hand across his face, "I want to fall in bed with you and have mad, passionate, extraordinary sex, throughout the night, in a variety of positions across the house," she admitted, "But tonight… tonight I just want to sleep."

He smiled, taking her hand and kissing her wrist so gently before standing up and pulling her up with him, "Lift up your arms," he told her quietly, watching as she did so.

He slipped her jumper up over her head and placed it on the back of the chair, watching as she removed her jeans. He stood by her bathroom sink cleaning his teeth as she removed the traces of her make up from her face. He almost shivered as she slipped her arms around his waist, her chin resting on his shoulder blade softly. "Connie," he spoke quietly, turning and wrapping her in his arms, feeling her relax into his bare chest.

"Don't," she uttered, "My head is all over the place,"

He placed a soft kiss against her lips, before kissing her forehead and just holding her too him. "You look ever so beautiful stood here like this," he admitted before his brain could stop him,

She smiled against his chest, before looking up at him, "Come on, let's get some sleep."

She lay down in the bed beside him, rolling so she lay comfortably on his lightly muscular chest, "I'm not here because I want mad, passionate, sex," he admitted, "I can wait for that you know…" He kissed her forehead gently, "Although the fact you've just said that to me, is making me feel things I haven't felt in years,"

She laughed, making him smile against her hair, "I'm glad you're here Michael."


	6. Chapter 6

Connie sat at her daughter's bedside as Grace continued to read her school work while hooked up to the chemotherapy. "What if my hair falls out?" Grace asked, sadness laced in her young voice, "Will I still look like you without hair?" She placed her school work down on the table and turned towards Connie, curling her legs up beneath her.

Connie placed her research article down on the floor, her highlighter rolling under the bed. She leaned forwards, placing her forearms on the bed, before brushing her fingertips across Grace's forehead, "Hair grows back sweetheart… and you'll still look like me without your hair,"

"Good," Grace replied, leaning forward and kissing her mum's cheek, "I love you mum."

Connie smiled, her eyes searching her daughters, "I love you too baby."

An hour later just as Connie thought her daughter had fallen asleep, she opened her eyes and looked at Connie, "Dad asked me about Michael today,"

Connie raised an eyebrow, before looking up at her, "Did he now?"

She nodded, "He asked if he'd been over the house… and had he stayed over before? I said no… but I told him I liked him,"

"You do?" Connie smiled, crossing her legs and running her fingers across her iPhone,

"I told dad that Michael Spence makes you smile… dad didn't look too pleased. Did I say the wrong thing?"

Connie shook her head, "You said all the right things Grace… I think your dad wants the best of both worlds sometimes,"

"He's getting married to Emma mum, but he still likes you," she uttered, "But Michael likes you, and I like Michael because he makes you happy, dad always ended up making you sad."

Connie looked at her daughter for a moment, wondering how someone so young could be so perceptive, "Don't worry Grace, you have no need to worry."

Grace smiled, "I wasn't worrying, I just wanted to tell you."

Connie laughed and rolled her eyes, "Cheeky girl."


	7. Chapter 7

A knock on the door woke her from her light sleep and she stood up, brushing down her summer dress and slipping her feet into her flip flops. She stretched her arms above her head, stifling a yawn that pressed against her chest.

She opened the door and saw Michael stood there with what looked like a takeaway in his hands, a bottle of wine visible at the top of the bag. He wore well fitted trousers and a dark blue shirt, his face lit up by his smile.

"Hi," she smiled, "Come in."

He looked at her for a moment, before kissing her cheek and stepping inside, "You look fantastic Connie," he told her gently, making her smile.

"You know what I thought today?" He asked, following her to the table outside and watching as she laid out plates and cutlery,

"hmm?" She replied, looking up at him, her freckles clearly visible from the warm sun,

"I can't remember the last time I saw you eat something," he replied, daring her to argue with him. She watched as he placed his spoon into the korma, placing the steaming hot meal onto her plate.

"I eat," she replied eventually as she sat on the chair that he pulled out for her,

"I know," he admitted, "But not as much as you should,"

She dipped her head and exhaled strongly, before shrugging her shoulders,

She watched as he sat down close to her, his hand resting gently on her leg, "I'm not getting at you, I'm just concerned," he told her softly,

She sipped her wine, "You have nothing to be concerned about," she admitted, "I go off food when I'm stressed… I always have… it's just something I don't really think about. I know I should eat more… I just find it such an effort, when I don't really fancy anything,"

He nodded, "Okay… how are you holding up?"

She placed her fork down and shrugged, before tearing off some the naan and dipping it into the sauce on his place, "I'm holding up," she admitted, "just about… the chemotherapy knocks her for six… she's constantly tired, constantly vomiting, yet she doesn't complain… Sam doesn't know how to react, and…" She shrugs, "I just feel so tired and… and sad," she sighed, "Sorry Michael, this is so different than how we used to argue and fight and wind each other up… I've become someone even I'm not familiar with,"

As they finished eating, he took her hand in his and tilted his head, "Come and sit with me," he asked her, pulling her gently so she sat on his lap. She smiled at him, watching him as he ran his fingertips ever so gently across her collar bones,

"I want to kiss you," he told her quietly, his American accent making her shiver,

"I won't stop you," she smiled, watching him as he watched her so intently,

"You are so beautiful Connie," he told her, pressing his lips gently against her mouth, "I hate seeing your eyes so filled with sadness…. I want to make you happy again." She inhaled as he pressed soft kisses against her top, then bottom lip. She opened her mouth, her tongue battling with his as he kissed her. His mouth travelled over her neck, before trailing across her collarbone and over her shoulder. He slipped the straps of her dress down over her shoulders, before doing the same to her bra strap. His right hand slipped into her bra, as his mouth covered her nipple. She heard the creak of the stairs and pulled her straps back up, kissing his mouth hard once more, before slipping from his lap onto her own chair.

"Mum…" Grace called quietly,

"Out here baby," Connie replied, trying to control her erratic breathing, before holding out her hand to her daughter, who took it and curled up onto her lap, "What's the matter Gracie?"

"I've been sick again," she admitted, "There's blood everywhere…"


	8. Chapter 8

**Happy Bank Holiday everyone! Hope you all have lots of fun / rest planned! Thank you to those of you who read / reply to this, I love reading your comments. If you have any ideas as to where you want this story to go, please let me know **** Love Kendal xx**

Connie looked up at Michael, who jumped up and jogged into Grace's room. He turned on the light and was shocked at the colour of frank blood that lay in the bin by her bed. He scooped up a light coat for both Connie and Grace before jogging downstairs,

"We need to get her to the hospital now Con," he told her, watching as she picked up her daughter gently, "How are you feeling Gracie?" Connie asked, getting into the back of the car and strapping her daughter in,

"Sick," she replied, "And tired… always tired,"

Michael caught her eye in the interior mirror, "We'll be there soon," he told them firmly, "You'll be okay Gracie,"

He watched her for a moment as she made sure she never let go of her daughter's hand. Grace's dark eyes were fixed solely on her mothers and for those moments he once again saw how much love Connie had for her little girl. She held her hand as Zoe and Cal hooked Grace up to monitors and she smiled kindly, keeping her beloved daughter calm and focused.

"Con, just step back a minute, I have this under control," Zoe nodded, holding Connie's upper arm gently,

"Mum," Grace uttered, her heart rate increasing rapidly at the thought she'd be stuck here wired up without her mother,

"I'll be here Grace I promise," she told her daughter, "But I'm getting in the way… I won't be far away, I need to let Zoe look after you now,"

"Please look after her Zoe," Connie uttered,

Zoe squeezed her arm gently, "I will always look after her, I promise," she nodded, before turning to Grace, "You're my number one priority in here," she smiled at Connie's daughter, "But don't tell anyone else that okay,"

Grace nodded weakly, a soft smile on her face,

Connie stepped back, pressing her body back against Michaels hard chest, glad as his hands curled against her upper arms, his lips pressing against her temple, "I've got you," he told her so kindly she felt she might just fall apart right there and then. His right hand held her own, his left remaining where it was,

"Fuck," she uttered, squeezing his hand and thanking whoever was out there for Michael Spence and his strong arms. He wanted to tell her he loved her, that her and her daughter were the only people he cared about right at that moment. But he refrained, knowing that it was far from the right time and place to declare just how he felt towards her. Their closeness was interrupted as Sam sprung through the doors,

"What happened?" Sam uttered, followed closely by Emma, not missing how Michael held Connie so gently in front of him,

"She had chemo two days ago… she's been vomiting since," Connie replied without looking at him, "She threw up frank blood this evening,"

"When this evening?" He demanded, his voice loud and cutting through the gentle buzz of the ED,

Connie shrugged, "About half an hour ago Sam…"

"About half an hour ago? Don't you know… Weren't you with her? Why weren't you with her? Were you too busy fucking him?" Sam uttered, his raising voice catching Zoe's attention as Sam stepped closer to where Connie stood,

"I was having dinner," she replied quietly, not taking her eyes off her daughter, "And fucking Michael… I wish I had the time to fuck Michael," she replied curtly,

Michael knew better than to get involved, and just stood as he was, holding Connie as he had done before Sam had arrived. He could feel her leaning into him, he could smell the shampoo she'd used in her hair, and could feel the way her hand held his so tightly.

"Mr. Strachan, if you cannot control your language or the level of your voice… you will have to stand outside… Connie cannot be with her every hour of the day," Zoe spat, before nodding at Connie, "She's asleep, but she's stable Con… the oncology Consultant will be down within the hour."

"Are you working all night Zo?" Connie asked an hour later,

"Yes… go and get some sleep in the oncall room… I'll come and get you if she wakes,"

"I'll just say good night," she nodded,

Zoe and Michael watched as Connie said good night to her daughter, Sam sat the other side of her bed.

Zoe looked up at Michael, "I know I don't need to say this to you, but I'm saying it because I don't know what else to do to help her," Zoe admitted, "But please look after her, I have no idea how she is staying so strong,"

Michael nodded, "I won't go into how I feel about her now Zoe, but I can promise you that I'll look after her,"

Zoe placed a hand on his shoulder gently, "You have my bleep number if you need me,"


	9. Chapter 9

**For everyone who is still reading this **** Happy Thursday… nearly Friday, yey! Hope you're all having a lovely week.**

"Come on," Michael told her firmly, leading her slowly out of her daughter's side room. She sat on the edge of the bed dressed only in matching underwear, her respiratory rate erratic, the heel of her hand pressed hard against her chest, "I…I…" she begun, glad as Michael sat down next to her, his arm wrapping immediately around her slender shoulders,

"Don't try and explain…" He uttered, "If you need to cry… have a good cry,"

"I hate crying," she sobbed, the thick, clear tears rolling down her tanned cheeks, her shoulders heaving with the effort. He kissed her hair, before pulling back the sheets and encouraging her into the bed with him. He held her tightly as she curled into his chest, her hands on his bare chest, his arms pressed against her waist and the back of her head,

As her tears subsided, she looked up at him, pressing her lips against his, "I won't think any less of you if you go home you know," She uttered, pushing his hair back from his forehead, "I'm a mess… this bed is uncomfortable and Sam won't give us any peace,"

He shook his head, "I'm perfectly fine here,"

"But you…" she begun, before he interrupted her,

"Don't push me away now," he warned her, "Although if it's want you want, I'll go,"

She turned to him, the air felt trapped in her chest as she thought about all she wanted to say to him. She hooked her left leg over his waist, keeping him too her, "You surprise me," she whispered into the darkness, feeling him shiver and place his hand on her bare thigh,

"Is that a good thing?" he whispered, his mouth seeking out hers, smiling against her mouth as she responded to his kiss,

"Yes," she admitted, choosing not to say anymore, and instead focus on enjoying the feeling of his mouth against hers. She let him kiss her, returning his kiss firmly as she pressed her chest against his own,

"I won't have sex with you for the first time in an oncall room," he told her quietly, his own breathing erratic now, making her smile, "Shame," she replied, a smile on her face as his hand ran across her bare back, "That is a shame."

The next day Connie sat, once again, at her daughter's bedside, wondering when this saga would end. Zoe placed a fresh cup of coffee next to her, before sitting down next to her, "He's a good man Connie, hold onto him."

Connie nodded, "For once, I think we agree on something," she smiled, making Zoe nod and smile into her coffee.


	10. Chapter 10

"Lie down," he whispered, moving over her as she lay on her bed, on top of her covers. He slipped her jumper up over her head, his mouth pressing soft kisses against her stomach, "Your skin is like silk," he told her, undoing the top button of her jeans, before pulling them down her slender thighs,  
"Jesus Christ," he uttered, slipping her bra from her and discarding it with her other clothes on the floor,

"I hope there's a reason for you using the good lord's name in vain?" She smiled, gasping as his mouth surrounded her nipple,

"You look…" He laughed lightly, "Breath-taking… and even more so than I'd imagined,"

She rolled her eyes and ran her hand through his dark hair, "I'll never be able to repay you for everything you've done for us,"

The screen of her phone lit up and she sighed, leaning over and answering it, inwardly impressed when Michael didn't ask her to ignore it. His lips pressed soft kisses against her stomach, making her gasp,

"Hello," she uttered, trying to ignore the man pressing his lips against her skin,

"Grace wants you Connie… she can't sleep…" The sound of Sam's voice made her sigh inwardly, the man seemed to have an innate knack of preventing her from doing what she so desperately needed,

"Okay," she nodded, "Okay… I'm on my way, tell her I'll be with her soon… is she otherwise okay?"

"Just sick," Sam replied down the phone, "And tired,"

"I'm on my way."

She inhaled deeply, before slipping her hand through Michael's hair, "Just when I thought we could finally do this…"

He pulled away from her, before standing up and holding out his hand, watching as she took it. She stepped closer to him, surprised as he wrapped his arms around her tightly, "I can wait," he told her, his lips against her hair, "I think waiting is good for me,"

She laughed lightly, resting her chin on his chest, before kissing him firmly, "I suggest you run…" She told him, "I can't give you the attention you deserve for the foreseeable future… you have plenty of women who can…" She ignored the tears that pricked at her eyes, "You deserve more than this… You at least deserve someone who can have sex with you without being interrupted,"

He raised his eyebrow, "Are you finished?"

She nodded quietly, watching how he brushed her hair gently back from her face, "I don't want to run… I don't want other women… " He smiled, "I can wait… don't push me away now, I need this as much as you do,"

She rested her head against his chest, "Why does everything have to be so hard?" she whispered and she felt him tighten his grip on her, "As I've told you before… I've got you," he whispered, his mouth brushing against her forehead, "I won't go into why now… but I don't want to give you up."

"Will you drive me to the hospital… we can curl up in the oncall room once I've got Grace settled… although if you want to go home that's fine too…"

He handed her his jumper and her jeans, "Get dressed, let's go."

As they stopped at the traffic lights, she placed her hand on his on the gear stick, "Thank you," she told him quietly, "For everything you've done for us,"

He winked at her, "You don't have to thank me…"

She nodded, "Oh… I do."

"Mum," Grace smiled, her tired smile lightening up her tired little face.

"Hello sweetheart," Connie replied, pulling her daughter into a tight hug, making her smile,

"You're squashing me, you always squash me when you hug me," she smiled, rolling onto her side as Connie sat next to her,

"Where's Michael?"

"How did you know I was with Michael…"

"He's never far away," her daughter replied, in a tone so similar to her own,

Michael appeared through the door, smiling into the semi-dark room, "Hi mini-Beauchamp… rumour has it you couldn't sleep." He sat on the chair next to Connie, ruffling her daughter's hair gently, "Do you want me to leave you two to it?" He asked gently,

Grace shook her head, "No… mum looks after me… and you look after her… that's how it works isn't it? I like that you look after her,"

Connie placed a hand on her daughters arm, "We're here now baby, close your eyes and get some sleep,"

Grace smiled, "I don't like dad's girlfriend, but don't tell him that…"

Connie and Michael smiled, "I know Gracie, but your dad is planning on spending the rest of his life with her, so we need to pretend to like her,"

Grace giggled, "So you don't like her too?"

"No… but don't you dare tell your dad that,"

Grace nodded, "It's a secret… Michael don't you tell dad either?"

"Wouldn't dare," he replied, a smile on his face, before he got up and closed the blinds, "I tell you what… if you get some sleep, I'll take you both to my favourite place in Holby tomorrow."

"Will you stay with me?" Grace asked quietly, "I don't like it in here on my own?"

Connie pressed her lips to her daughters head, "I'll stay until you fall asleep, then I'll just be across the hall in the oncall room… if you wake up, tell a nurse to come and get me okay…"

"Okay," Grace nodded,

"Just three more days,"

"Three more days," her daughter replied, closing her eyes as Connie ran her fingers through her hair. Michael slipped his arm around her shoulders, glad as she leaned heavily into his chest, her fingers slipping underneath his shirt. He wanted to tell her he loved her, he wanted to tell her she was the most amazing woman he'd ever known, but he couldn't… not here. So instead he pressed his lips against her forehead and lifted her from the room as she dozed in his arms.


	11. Chapter 11

**This part is for anyone who is reading this! Especially for AVMabs – I'm sorry to hear your ex-girlfriend was ill, I hope she is now on the mend **** Hope you have all had a lovely weekend!**

"Where were you last night?" Sam asked her as she walked through the corridor back to Grace's room,

She raised an eyebrow, "Don't start… I was at home."

Michael closed the door of the oncall room quietly, "With him?" Sam spat, turning at looking at Michael who chose not to react,

"Yes… with Michael," she replied,

"So while your daughter was laying ill in bed after chemo… you were with him?"

She raised an eyebrow, "Not quite, your phone call interrupted us…" She spat, before shaking her head, "You have no right to do this… I've bought Grace up on my own for eight years… eight years Sam, whilst you live your life on the other side of the world. You have no right to comment on what I do and who I do it with… "

"I do when…"

"Stop it," Grace uttered, leaning into Connie, wrapping her arms tightly around her waist, "Stop it dad… leave her alone. She's here all the time… she's allowed to go home sometimes." Connie inhaled, looking up to the ceiling, before pressing her lips against her daughter's dark hair, "I can't wait to take you home too Gracie," she uttered, grateful as Michael placed his hand on her shoulder blades,

"I'm going to get us some breakfast, anything you fancy Grace?"

"Maple pecan plait?" She smiled up at him cheekily as he winked at her,

"Glad you haven't lost your appetite," he grinned, "I'll be back soon." He kissed Connie's lips once, "See you in a bit."

"He won't stick around…" Sam began, watching as she shook her head, "How dare you," she hissed, "You come here with your fiancé… and you spend half the time lecturing me… stop it."

She ushered Grace back into the room, before bending down in front of her, "Let's get you dressed up warm shall we… Michael has somewhere to show us."

"He will stick around won't he?" Grace asked a few minutes later, watching as Connie looked up from her phone,

"If you're talking about me… you'll be sorry to know you can't get rid of me that easily," Michael interrupted, an easy smile on his face,

"Good," Grace nodded, "Because you make my mum happy… she's sad that I'm ill, but you make her smile… please stick around."

"I'm planning on it," Michael smiled, before holding out his hands to the two Beauchamp's before him, "Come on… let's go…"

They sat on the top of the hill, Grace curled up into Connie's chest, Michael sat next to them both, his arm around Connie's shoulders. He smiled at the expression that spread across Grace's face as she watched the cars speeding by that looked so far away,

"I had no idea somewhere so beautiful existed so close to the hospital," she admitted, resting her head on her daughters, before leaning into Michael gently.

"Here Grace, I have some crisps if you want them…"

"Mum said I shouldn't eat too many," She smiled, watching as Connie rolled her eyes, "Go on," she smiled, taking a crisp herself before her daughter did.

"I like it up here," Grace spoke quietly, "With you both… why is dad being so mean? He's never been mean to you in front of me before…"

Connie kissed her daughters hair, "I just don't think he knows how to deal with all of this," she admitted, "Don't worry Grace, he loves you more than anything."

After they'd eaten their picnic, Connie helped Grace up, holding her hand tightly, "Let's get you back to bed baby, me and Michael will take a walk, then I'll come back before you sleep,"

Grace nodded, a happy smile on her tired face, "I love you mum,"

Connie smiled, "I love you too."

Connie slipped her hand into Michael's as they walked closely around the grounds of the hospital. He sat down onto a bench, watching as she sat beside him, her knees brushing his as she turned to him. "I want to kiss you," she smiled, slipping up onto his lap and slipping her hands either side of his face as he wrapped one arm around her waist, the other around her shoulders, his hand slipping into her hair,

She pressed her lips firmly against his, kissing him in a way that allowed him to believe that maybe she felt the same for him as he did for her. She pulled backwards, his breathing quick, his chest heaving from being so close to her. She nudged her nose against his, before kissing him again, before wrapping her arms around his shoulders and pressing her lips against his temple, "Two years ago, I never thought I'd say this," she smiled, "But you have to be the most amazing man I've ever met,"

He held her tightly too him, before kissing her once more, "I want nothing more than to look after you and your beautiful daughter… that's all I want,"

She smiled, before standing up and taking his hand, "Can we get a coffee?"

"We can get whatever you want," he winked, making her smile.

Sam stood, his back against the hospital wall, as he watched the American surgeon with the mother of his child. He wanted to be happy for her, he'd never seen her so happy with anyone, but he was jealous. Watching just how wonderfully she looked after Grace sparked something inside of him, he wasn't previously aware of, and he hated how she sought so much care and compassion from Michael. Connie Beauchamp had never needed him, but she seemed to need Michael, and he had to admit, that hurt.


	12. Chapter 12

***Because I wish this had happened in Casualty / Holby… I can live in hope!***

The atmosphere between the two of them was hot. Hot didn't really cover it, it was probably closer to boiling point. She stood before him in a tight, black dress and tights. Her hair was clipped up against her head, curly strands falling across her face. He stepped closer to her, his hand reaching to touch her face, his fingers slipping into her hair. She wore more make up than she had in a long time, her eyes sparkling as she looked at him. Her daughter was with Elliott… she never worried about her when she was with Elliott. She smiled, a smile that made his gut tighten uncomfortably, his breathe catching in his chest.

"You look incredible," he told her, pushing her hard against the wall in her hall way, his hand slipping further into her hair, his free hand looping around her back,

"You have to say that," she smiled, her eyes not leaving his, "You're about to have sex with me…"

He laughed, slowly pulling down the zipper of her dress, watching as it fell from her and pooled at her feet, "I don't have to say anything," he replied, his mouth falling against her breast as he undid her bra, discarding it quickly. She slipped her tights down her legs, standing before him in heels and underwear, "I…" he began, watching as she shook her head, "Don't try and explain… chances are I feel the same," she smiled, undoing his shirt and dropping kisses against his skin.

The next few hours were filled with hot kisses on warm, soft skin. His mouth, that wonderful mouth, hardly left hers throughout their love making. He was hot, attentive and gentle despite how frantic he felt. She was beautiful and willing, and he found himself wondering why he hadn't discovered this woman earlier in life.

She smiled, her eyes sparkling as he pushed her back into the warm shower, pulling her into his strong arms. His arms circled her waist and he held her naked body close to his, before turning her around and washing her skin, "You were nothing less than a dream to me," he told her, his lips brushing so softly against her neck as she turned around, washing the shampoo out of her hair,

"What a strange thing to say," she smiled, leaning over him and squeezing the conditioner into the palm of her hand, before pulling it through her dark hair,

He ran the shampoo through his own hair, before pulling her too him and kissing her mouth, "I think about you all the time," he admitted, "All the time…" He laughed, "I've never thought about anyone the way I think about you… not even Annalese,"

She washed the conditioner out of her hair, before slipping her arms around his neck, "You're making everything that is happening so much easier," she admitted, "I don't know how I will ever thank you for that,"

"A repeat of his evening will thank me enough," he smiled, handing her a towel and laughing as she rolled her eyes.

He lay behind her in bed, his chin rested on her shoulder, his left arm slung loosely around her waist drawing lazy circles on her stomach, "I can't sleep either," she smiled, turning to face him, her right arm tucking underneath his left as she slipped her right leg up over his waist,

"What are you thinking?" he asked her quietly, his lips ticking her hair,

"All sorts," she admitted, feeling him smile into her hair,

"I hope you're not regretting this… I…"

She shook her head, before looking up at him, "You really think I'd be lying here like this with you if I regretted this?"

He woke up the next morning, surprised to see Connie fast asleep, still so close to him. He took a moment to look at her… really look at her. He smiled at the way her freckles danced across her nose, the way her lips curled up slightly as she slept. Her skin was faultless, only small lines around her eyes showing that she was older than she initially looked. He looked down at her, her flawless skin, the way her breasts rose and fell as she slept. He ran the back of his hand across her face, watching as her eyes opened, blinking against the light that crept in through the blinds. She slipped her hand into his hair, keeping him too her as she kissed him, her hand slipping down onto his cheek.

His left hand slipped down her stomach, before rolling her onto her back, watching as her knees automatically flexed and parted. He rolled onto his side, pressing his lips more firmly against her as his hand slipped between her legs,

"Michael," she uttered, her eyes closed as he smiled against her mouth,

His mouth rapidly joined his wondering hands and she groaned against him, "You don't have too," she began, watching as he shook his head, "You're so beautiful," he told her, "I want too…"

She let her head roll back into the pillow as he continued his ministrations, making her almost scream out loud. With a strength she didn't know she had, she pulled him up to her, before pulling him down so he entered her quickly, "I want you with me," she told him, kissing him sleepily, still feeling like she was in part of a dream,

He smiled, moving inside of her quickly, holding her hands up above her head, "Jesus Christ Connie… do you have any idea how you make me feel?" He uttered, nudging her nose with his, before kissing her neck,

She laughed, groaning again as he moved inside of her, "I'm half asleep and you're hot and everywhere… I can't begin to tell you how I feel," she smiled, holding him close to her as their hips bucked simultaneously.

They spent the morning sleeping, kissing and making love. She couldn't remember the last time she'd spend a morning like this with a man, and she didn't think she'd ever felt like this about someone before. "We need to get up," she uttered,

He opened his eyes, pulling her onto his chest, "Not yet," he smiled, "Stay in bed with me… forever."

"Forever's a long time Mr. Spence," she smiled, propping herself up onto one elbow, her free hand tracing the contours of his face,

"That it is Mrs. Beauchamp," he admitted, "But I'd happily give you forever."

"That's because we're naked and have spent the last 24 hours having sex," she grinned, pressing her lips against his regardless,

"Are you complaining?" He smiled, wrapping both his arms around her tightly, smiling as she fell onto his chest,

"No… not at all," she laughed, the sound of his laugh making him smile.


	13. Chapter 13

**Happy Sunday all **** I haven't forgotten about this, here are the next couple of parts. Replies loved as always **** xx**

He entered her daughter's side room to see Connie tucked up in the large chair, her head lolling against the back of it, her legs tucked beside her. Grace smiled and waved at him, before placing a finger to her lips, "Hi Grace," he whispered, "How are you feeling?"

"Better," she replied, "Although look…"

He watched as she pulled out a clump of her dark hair, her eyes confused as to exactly where it had fallen out, "It's only hair," he smiled, "You'll still be just as beautiful without it,"

"Like mum?" She asked quietly as he nodded. Grace watched as Connie stirred without opening her eyes. She didn't fail to notice the way he looked at her mother, his eyes seemed to find it so difficult to pull away from her.

Grace beckoned him closer, her eyes watching the bemused expression that spread across his face,

"You love her don't you?" Grace whispered quietly into his ear, "Don't worry I won't tell her,"

Michael sat on the side of her bed and smiled, handing Grace a glass of Ribena, "Yes… I do… I love her very much,"

Grace smiled, squeezing her hands together, "Good, because you make her happy."

"Not as happy as you make her," Michael smiled kindly at Connie's daughter, before reaching out and turning on the TV quietly, "What are we watching?"

"Frozen?" Grace grinned as he rolled his eyes and sat up on the bed next to her, his legs outstretched against the covers, "Will you watch it with me?"

"Go on then," he smiled.

Connie woke up to hear the credits playing, the soft music of Frozen playing quietly in the background. She tilted her head from side to side, before stifling a yawn with the back of her hand. She looked up to see Grace leaning into Michael's chest, her eyes tightly closed, his right arm around her gently.

"Hi sweetheart," he whispered, "I watched more of Frozen than she did,"

"She okay?" She asked, standing up and stretching her arms up over her head, before leaning over the bed and kissing his mouth gently,

He nodded, catching her arm with his free one and pulling her back down to him, his mouth pressing firmly against hers. Grace opened her eyes, looping her arms up around Connie's neck, making her smile and sit down on the bed beside her,

"I don't think this bed was made for three," she mused, running her fingers through her daughter's hair, barely concealing her gasp as her dark hair fell into her hands,

"Oh…" she uttered, praying the tears that pricked at her eyes to stay back, for now at least,

"It's okay Mum, Michael said I'll still look just like you, even if my hair does fall out."

Connie pulled her daughter tightly into her chest, "He's right you know…" she managed to utter, her voice thick with emotion.

"Elliott…" he began, popping his head around his office door, watching as he looked up from whatever he was eating… half of it all over his desk,

"All okay?" Elliott asked, watching as Michael shrugged, "I can't find Connie… where do you think she'd be? Grace she…" He exhaled, "Her hair has started falling out… I've never seen Connie's eyes look so sad,"

"On the roof," Elliott told him wisely, "Don't worry, I'll sit with Grace."


	14. Chapter 14

He jogged quickly to the top of the roof, his heart rate beating so loudly into his ears as he reached the top. He saw her, leaning on both arms, looking across the night sky. "Con," he shouted across her wind, jogging over to her, "It's pouring it down Connie… what are you doing?"

She shook her head, the tears coming thick and fast now. She thought she'd cried all she could over the past few months, but seeing her daughters thick hair falling out into her own hand, had made everything all the more real.

He wrapped his coat around her, before deciding against trying to move her, instead pulling her under the tin roof close to them and held her tightly. She sobbed loudly, her tears mixing with the pouring rain. He lowered her gently to the floor as she cried, her slender form wracked by her sobs. "Shhh… shh.." he uttered, rocking her gently, wanting more than anything to take her pain away.

"I…I…" she began, and he shook his head, "Don't explain… you don't need to explain,"

"I don't know what to do," she admitted, her hands gripping against his shirt as he closed his eyes and held her so tightly, "I can't do anything, I feel so useless… I'm a doctor Michael and I can't help her… I can't fix this…."

She cried so hard and for so long that she was close to sleep, the rain pelting down, hitting the tin roof and just missing them as it rolled across the roof. He scooped her into his arms, carrying her so carefully down the staircase and slipping into the nearest staff showers. He placed her down, removing her clothes from her body and turning on the water, brushing her hair from her face. "Hold on," he whispered, closing the shower door, before taking the two clean pairs of scrubs from Elliott and the shampoo gratefully.

"She okay?" Elliott whispered, "Take her home, I'll stay with Grace tonight…"

He managed to wash her hair and get her washed and dressed with minimal resistance, before he lead her into her car, smiling as she was almost asleep by the time her got home. "Connie… we're home," he told her gently. "Do you want anything to eat?"

She shook her head, "No,"

"You look exhausted," he told her honestly, "Beautiful… but exhausted. Elliott is with Grace, she's fast asleep… you look like you need to sleep too."

She curled up into him on the sofa, the two of them warm underneath the blanket, the fire roaring and heating the room. "I'm sorry," she whispered as she dozed on his chest, "For the crying and the losing control… I don't feel like me anymore,"

He brushed her hair back from her forehead so gently, his fingertips making her shiver and want more for the two of them than she ever thought she'd consider again, "You don't need to be sorry," he told her honestly, "All I want is for you and Grace to be happy… all I want is that I can offer at least some comfort whilst this is going on,"

She lay her head back down against his chest, "You…" She exhaled, "I can't explain how much I owe you… I owe you everything," she admitted,

"No… you don't," he smiled, "Now save your energy and get some sleep. Your daughter needs you strong and back on form tomorrow,"

"She's so brave," Connie uttered as his fingers found hers beneath the blanket,

"So are you," he told her gently,

She shook her head, "You've seen me cry more than anyone else ever has… how can you consider me brave?"

He ran his fingers through her hair, "You hold it together every day in front of Grace, in every meeting… during every shift… you are far braver than you give yourself credit for."


	15. Chapter 15

Happy Friday! Hope you are all partying whilst I'm oncall Here's another part to whoever still reads this! Kendal-Rose xx

She sat on the chair in front of the oncology Consultant, her stomach churning as she waited. She clasped her hands firmly together, Sam one side of her, Michael the other. Michael placed his hands on hers and she rested her head momentarily against his arm. Sam didn't miss the way Michael watched her so kindly

"She's responding well," the Consultant nodded, "This has been a long road… but she's responding well… she's not in remission yet… but inflammatory markers and everything are good and better compared to the last lot… she will need another round of chemo… and then we can reassess…"

Connie nodded, her teeth biting her lip so hard, she could taste blood,

"Do any of you have any questions?"

"Her hair," Connie began… "I know it's stupid but…"

The Consultant smiled sympathetically, "Whilst she's still having chemotherapy, her hair won't grow back… once the chemo stops, it will,"

"I knew that," Connie uttered,

The Oncologist placed her hand on her forearm, "She's tough… and so are you… keep going," she smiled, "Call me if you have any questions."

"Thank you," Connie smiled,

"He's good for you by the way," she smiled, nodding as she watched Michael return with a cup of coffee,

"Oh I know," Connie nodded, "I know."

"Our daughter is still ill Connie… and you're having a dirty weekend away with Michael Spence?" Sam spat, his eyes narrowing as he looked angrily at her,

"You've just been away for almost a month," she replied quietly, stepping back to let Rita past, not noticing how she slowed down as she listened carefully, "I need to get away from this hospital,"

"Away from your daughter?"

"Stop it," Rita hissed, turning around on the heel of her trainer and walking back over to where Connie and Sam stood, "You've been away, Connie has been here every single day, she needs a break… give the poor woman a break,"

"Fine," he uttered angrily,

"Rita…" Connie smiled,

"Sorry," she replied, "I can't imagine what you're going through… but I do know you need to get away from here for a couple of nights,"

"Thank you,"

"Do you fancy getting a coffee and taking a walk?" The blonde nurse asked, surprised as the brunette nodded her head.

"I'm sorry for how I treated you," Connie told her gently, "You didn't deserve that,"

Rita nodded, "I did… I should never have let Mark back in this hospital,"

"You weren't to know," Connie replied, "You and the rest of the staff have been nothing but nice to me since Grace became ill… I will always be grateful for that,"

"You know… you're an even better Clinical Lead when you're nice," Rita smiled, making Connie raise an eyebrow and nudge her gently, "Too far?" Rita smiled as Connie smiled back,

"That man loves you, you know," Rita told Connie as they neared the hospital,

"Michael?" Connie smiled, before nodding, "He hasn't said so…"

Rita smiled as they sat on the bench, the warm coffee heating up their cold hands, "Oh Mr. Spence loves you without a doubt," Rita replied, "But Sam… he loves you too,"

Connie shrugged, "He has a fiancé," she admitted, "He's impossible,"

"It must hurt to see you so close to Michael though," she admitted, "Even if he does behave like an arse,"

Connie smiled, "He disappeared back to America when Grace was only two… he fought so hard to be a dad to her, then he just disappeared… he swans in and out of her life as it suits him… I've had to pick up the pieces more times than I can count… I fell out of love quite quickly with him after the second or third time he broke our daughter's heart."

"I'll sit with her… while you go away for the weekend… if you like… give her a bit of girl company,"

"You don't have too," Connie began,

"I want too," Rita replied, "She's a good kid,"

Connie squeezed Rita's arm gently, "Thank you."


End file.
